TRADING PLACES: A Rayci Fanfic
by siegreyu
Summary: Starring Laci Green and Chris Ray Gun. Laci said she would torture Chris by reading our terrible fanfic's aloud. So here is my contribution. Also, in case you didn't know Chris Ray Gun and Laci Green are dating. It's not that big of a deal but it also kind of is.


It was a quiet afternoon. But not the "too quiet" type of quiet, like when something bad is about to happen. Not that there wasn't something bad about to happen, bad things happen all the time, though none of those events are related to this story. No, it was the regular kind of quiet. But not in the silent type of quiet. The trademark LA sound of traffic could be heard in the background as well as the cry of the Greater West Coast Millenial. "Problematic, problematic," they chirped, barely audible over the sound of millions of dreams dying. In truth, it wasn't quiet at all, as is always the case in LA. Perhaps peaceful is a better word.

It was a peaceful afternoon. So long as you didn't heed the all consuming tension that pervaded every conversation and exchange. . .

It was an afternoon. Chris Ray Gun idly rolled across his bedroom in his desk chair. Their was no audience, no one watching, but he can't stop. It is so engrained in to him, he does it habitually, the way some people bounce their legs, click a pen, or mess with their hair while concentrating on something. Or perhaps like the youths and their fidgety spinz. Something like that. There he was, gliding back and forth, controller in hand as he focused intently on the buff sexy . . .marsupial? on the screen. He pushed a button and did a move and all the bad guys got dead. "Yeah! Bandy Coots, you sure know how to crash!" he cheered, his exuberation barely audible over Spiderman 2 playing on 3 different screens in the background simultaneously. Just then, as he took a refreshing sip of ice-cold bleach, the world's cutest honey popped in.

"Hey Chris, your girlfriend or whatever is here."

"Oh thanks, internet hearthrob Tom Sweeney. You're so much cooler than me," Chris replied as he paused the game.

"Shut up baby, I know it," Tom Sweeney remarked before leaving the room and the world's second cutest honey walked in to take his place.

"Hi shmoopy, or whatever my obnoxiously cute nickname for you is." She stepped forward, concealing something behind her back as she planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Hi pookie, again I'm not really sure what we call each other. What have you got there?"

"Promise you won't get mad?"

"no."

"Well, I was walking around downtown, and I came across this really cute little hole in the wall jewelry store. Something Nesh. I forget. Anyway, they had all these really cute pendants and rings and stuff and I just had to have one." She brought her hands forward to reveal a necklace with a single purple and silver jewel encrusted symbol. It was a rather odd symbol, alsmost like the symbol of Mars, except for the arrow on the end of the stem was a crescent moon, with another more elongated crescent facing the other way going across the stem. "The freaky deformed purple mutant lady with horns and crab hands said it has mystical powers."

Chris rolled his eye as he belted out a groan, tinged with five straight years of building disappointment and frustration. "You silly feminists. You'll believe anything you hear. I don't care what the freaky deformed purple mutant lady with horns and crab hands said. Mystical powers don't exist."

"You stubborn bull headed anti-feminists. You refuse to believe in anything you haven't personally experienced. She was a woman, so I believe her, and you should believe her too."

"Whatever. How much did it cost. On second thought, don't tell me, I don't want to know. But I know it was too much. Don't you realize how tight things are ever since the world found out Pewdiepie was an actual nazi and they had to stop putting ads on youtube? Sure the e-begging, that we definitely don't deserve because all entertainment should be free no matter how much work went in to it and to even allow people to give money of their own free will to help support the creators they care about is tantamount to robbery, pays the bills, but we can't afford to buy luxuries." Chris surreptiously slid the empty Crash Bandicoot case under his desk with his foot.

"Well what's the point of living if you can't enjoy it?"  
"Enjoy? I don't think you realize how good you've got it!" Chris angrily grabbed one side of the necklace for no discernible reason. It's not likely to be of any importance.

"How good I've got it? What about how good you've got it? You're a Cis White Male? You can get anything you want at any time for any reason, despite not having any wealth, influence, or fame worth mentioning." Laci angrily gripped the other side, probably just to mimic Chris. Again, it's really not important, you shouldn't read in to it.

"Oh yeah, well you're a girl, which means you get all the attention you could ever ask for, and all of it is definitely desired no matter how weird, creepy, or disturbing it is."

"Oh yeah, well you can't be harrassed for any reason ever."  
"Well, all of your problems are made up. Like having to carry a life form inside of you, or bleeding out of your genitals."

They both glared at each other angrily, squarely eye to eye because they are both really short. On the screen behind them, a tiki mask glared at them, its eyes slowly pulsed with a deep infernal red. "I WISH I COULD BE YOU FOR JUST ONE DAY!"

Suddenly the entire room began to shake. A deep ominous laugh filled the room as glasses begin to rattle, the lights flickered, and one of the screens fell over as Tobey Maguire desperately tried to halt an out of control train. And then, as quickly as it started it ended.

Chris and Laci, both breathed a sigh of relief as things returned to normal. Sweeney popped his head in once again. "Hey how about that earthquake? Sure is great to live in California. By the way, I've been watching this guy called Idubbbz, you should check him out. He's really funny, I can't stop laughing." And with that he popped his head back out.

Chris looked back at Laci, and it was Laci's face he was looking at, and not his own, because he was still in his own body and I don't know why you would think otherwise. "I'm sorry for yelling, you don't deserve that. I'm just on edge because this Cramps Bambicoop is really tough. It's like the Dark Souls of video games." He pointed to the screen, still paused as the tiki mask bobbed back and forth

"It's okay. And you're probably right. This thing probably doesn't have mystical powers. I'm going to take it back tomorrow and get something more pratical. Like another dildo."

"Whatever you want to do, is fine with me, mooglywoogly, again just making wild guesses at pet names," he cooed as he grabbed a stepladder to kiss her on the forehead.

"You're the best, cragglepuss, really these are the best I can come up with." she softly replied as she got down on her hands and knees to return the kiss.

Chris gave her a look that said "Hey girl, you are really pretty and I would like to do sex with you." Laci replied with a look that said "You're not the least attractive person I've been with, so sure, why not, let's do the sex again." Laci stepped over to the closet, and began to pull out the gimp suit, the riding crop and the handcuffs, but as Chris closed the bedroom door, he stopped her. "Hey, do you think we try and switch it up just this once." Laci paused, one leg already in her latex dominatrix suit, as she pondered this unusal request. She bit her lip as she mulled it over, clicking a pen that had appeared out of nowhere.

"Sure, why not. TRADING PLACES might be fun for a change."

"Alright! My first penis in vagina sex! I can't wait!" With a well practiced flourish, Laci removed all her clothes and hopped up on to the bed completely nude.

If you live in the completely normal reality where Chris has an babypenis, read on from COMPLETELY NORMAL REALITY WE ALL LIVE IN  
If you live in an alternate reality where Chris has a big ole donger, skip ahead to ALTERNATE REALITY THAT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST

COMPLETELY NORMAL REALITY WE ALL LIVE IN

Chris dropped his pants and underwear, revealing the throbbing, fully engorged acorn at the bottom of his torso. Pants still around his ankles, he waddled over to the stepladder, and moved it next to the bed. After a few tries, Chris managed to climp to the top of the ladder and place himself between Laci's legs. The soft cushiony bed made it hard to maintain balance, so he grabbed one of her sizable members in each hand to steady himself. He pressed himself as far forward as he dared to go, afraid of being slowed by her completely normal sized labia.

"Is it in yet?" Laci looked down between her legs, parting her penises as she looked for signs of her lover.

"Hnnnnnnnngggg!" Chris replied as he came instantly and passed out.

ALTERNATE REALITY THAT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST

Chris made his way over to the bed, and his patiently waiting lover. He took a moment to gently stroke each of her four erect penises. "Is it just me, or is this one getting bigger?"  
"Silly. It's not getting bigger, you're just getting smaller."

"Oh right, because of my condition." He took a moment to daintly kiss the head of each one before dropping his pants, revealing a fully engorged walnut sized penis at the bottom of his torso. It didn't help that his balls were the size of grapefruits, it made the comparison that much more stark. "Man, I sure wish I lived in an alternate reality where I had a big ole donger, but sadly such a reality doesn't even exist, or could even be conceived of by someone writing a bad fanfiction."

"Ah, don't be so sad," she pitifully remarked as she looked down at her bummed and bereft boytoy. "Why don't you borrow one of mine?"  
"Golly gee, do you mean it?"

"Sure, why not?" Laci gripped one of the smaller ones and, like pulling a magnet off of a fridge, popped it off. Chris hastily slapped the new one on and gave it a few strokes. "Gee whillikers, I can feel it."

"Of course. That's how magnets work."

"You're the best." Chris smirked as he leaned forward. He stopped once his lips were a hair's breadth away from her's. He lingered there, gazing into her eyes, for a moment lost in Green's baby blues. He pictured himself on a boat, cruising the endless waves alone, with no one else around except his girl. Not a care, or worry, or ounce of stress, just the two of them together enjoying serenity. A peaceful existence of nothing but joy and laughter. And then, as he came to he realized he was already there and she was staring back at him, a smile creeping across her face as she reads the joy written across his. With a sudden explosion of a feeling that Chris had forgot, optimism, he planted his lips against hers as she let out a shocked squeel. The shock quickly gave way to arousal as she leaned in to the kiss, their tongues tangled in the ancient romantic art of greco-roman tongue wrestling. Chris ran his fingers through her hair, resting his hand on the back of her head, holding her close as if she was his only tether to life, she clenched his arm for dear life as if she was about to fall off a cliff in to a bottomless bit of bliss. It felt like an eternity, their essences entertwined in to one as the rest of the world faded away, and only here and now remained. One of Chris's hands made its way to her side, gently carressing it with the tips of his fingers, Laci gasped, breaking the Hundred Years Kiss.

His hand slowly glided farther in before finally reaching her bosom. He pulled his mouth away from her's allowing her to breath, as he began to gently massage her breast, his other hand still embracing her. He nibbled on her ear gently, before moving on to her neck where he bagan to suck ever so gently. Her breathing grew shallow and ragged, as if she was so lost in what she was feeling that she couldn't remember whether she was inhaling or exhaling at any given moment. As he moved lower, he started to suck harder, until, with the last one, he was sure he would leave a hickey. He moved the hand behind her head down to the small of her back, as he lowered his head to her unoccupied mound. He began to suck on her nipple, tugging and gently nibbling on it until it grew firm in his mouth, the metal of her nipple ring cold against his tongue.. Meanwhile he steadily grew more rough with the other hand. He started flicking the nipple ever so slightly until it stood erect, at which point he began to tug on it, slowly but firmly. She gasped with delight with every tug, her cheeks flush with arousal, her eyes glazed over in rapture.

Chris resumed his trek south, kissing her soft, perfect body as he made his way closer to the promised land. Once he reached her pubic mound he gave her one last kiss, tugging on it as he pulled his mouth away before letting go with a pop and a sharp gasp from both of them. It was almost time, the moment he'd waited his entire life for. He stood up, placed one hand on one of her thighs and lowered the other one between her legs. She was dripping wet, she always advocated using lube, but with this much moisture, she could bottle and sell her own. He traced his fingers around the outside of her lips, coating her labia in the slippery liquid. He made sure to give her old pal the clit a quick how-do-you-do before slipping his middle and ring finger inside of her, his palm resting between her cocks. He curled his fingers inward, gripping the inside of her, enjoying the soft warm feeling of her magnificent cunt. Once he was in position, he began to pump up and down, sliding and grinding against her inner walls. He could feel them clench and loosen as she wriggled on the bed. On and on, he kept pumping, like an oil derrick, but faster, a little bit slicker, and whole lot sexier. Her bountiful bosom heaved and jiggled as her breathing grew ever more fantic, and on and on he pumped before finally she began to convulse. He lifted his plam, but left his fingers inside, his other hand he removed from her leg, and placed finger on either side of her clit, giving it a jostle every few seconds, increasing the length and intensity of her orgasm. Finally she stopped. Her body damp with sweat, her chest heaving with deep breaths. "I hope you're not exhausted already. It's my turn now." She responded with a smile and a giggle.

Chris gripped his borrowed erection. He didn't even know dicks could get this big, this bad girl had to be at least 7 inches, and thick too. He stroked it a few times, enjoying the feeling of having such a large amount of womanhood in his hands. He drew closer, leaned in for one more quick kiss, as he began to press the head against her beautiful outer walls. Even with its size, the amount of lubrication made for little resistance. "Oh God, you feel amazing." He never imagined it could be this good. It was a totally new and exhilariting experience he could have never dreamed of. He went slow at first, just enjoying the sensation as he felt each inch going inside for the first time. He almost wanted to stay there, firmly planted inside of her. Sure, her being inside of him felt amazing, but this was a whole new experience. He could only imagine if this was what sex normally feels like for her. He began to pull out, and was bombarded by a whole new set of experiences as her eager pussy desperately tried to hold him in, gripping and tugging. His eyes rolled back in ecstasy as his mind struggled to cope with the new sensation it was experiencing. Once he finally regained his composure, he finally began to fuck for real.

In and out he pumped no sooner had one set of sensations overcome him, that another crashed on to him, like a small boat in a tempestous sea of lust. So lost was he in the experience that he forgot where he was or who he was with. When he finally got his bearings back he was reminded of the radiant, immaculate woman before him, and all the wonders her body had to offer. "I'm so sorry, I almost forgot." He took his hands of her thighs, and grabbed a throbbing erection with each. They were slick with precum, almost as wet as the wonderland he was inside of. He leaned forward and took the remaining cock in his mouth. It was a flavor he was deeply familiar with, and enjoyed immensely. There were salty undertones, but more than anything, she tasted of tropical fruits. Pineapple, and mango. He would give up drinking bleach if he had this on tap. Once he was in position, like a downhill skier eating a popsicle, he began to jerk and suck all three.

Let it not be said that Chris is uncoordinated. It takes great skill to operate 4 dicks at a time, especially when none of them are yours. But work them he did. He looked like a car engine, all cylinders firing, perfectly coordinated. Before long he began to feel his balls draw in, a feeling he was intimately familiar from all the times she fucked him in the ass. He was going to cum soon. One look at her face gave him the impression that her climax was on its way as well. Perhaps all four cocks were linked by some sort of magnetic field. Who knows. He gave one last hard pump and he could feel the pleasure start to course through him. He pulled and aimed all four pulsing, twitching rods at his face as he tried to catch every lost drop with his eagerly anticipating mouth.

He finally plopped down after getting a huge mouthful of the delicious goo. He savored it for a moment, swishing it around, letting the flavor coat his tastebuds, before swallowing it down, enjoying the sensation as it slid down his throat. He wiped up the few drops that landed on his face and licked it off his fingers. "That was great. You're the best. Here, you can have this back." He popped the penis off his pelvis, gave it a good tongue bath to clean off the amalgam of cum and juices acrued, and held it out for her.

"It's fine. You can keep it."  
"Really, you mean it?

"Yeah, why not? I already got plenty. Plus, trying to find panties is really tough when you're packing that much heat."

"You really are the best girlfriend a manlet could ask for." They both laid there for a while, cuddling. Laci as the big spoon, of course. "By the way," the feeling of her twitching mass of dongs pressing in his back reminded him "I've always wondered, how did you get so many ding-a-lings anyway?

"Oh, don't you know? Everything that you read on the internet is true! I'm a manhood-stealing witch whore that leaves men who crosses my path emasculated and wishing they were dead. I've broken a lot of hearts and stolen a lot of parts. But most of them weren't worth keeping."

"Oh right. I guess that makes sense," Chris suddenly sat upright. "Hey do you smell that."

Laci gave the air a puzzled sniff. "It smells like something burning."

"Oh shit, I forgot something in the oven." Chris darted in to the kitchen to see smoke billowing out of the stove. He grabbed one of his many swastika emblazoned towels and began to fan away the smoke as he opened the oven door. Psychicpebble's charred body was completely unrecognizable at this point. "Son of a bitch. Overcooked it again"

"Looks like you really goose-stepped in it this time." Sweeney chuckled as he popped his head in once again.

"Shup ut you filthy negro, take care of this mess because that is all you people are good for. Being slaves. That, and getting hung from trees. But I'm all out of nooses and it ain't Christmas."

"Yes massah, right away massah."

THE NEXT DAY

Laci awoke to see a very strange sight. Her own face staring back at her. "AH!" she screamed, as the face screamed back. She took a moment to assess the situation before smacking Chris in the arm. "Why are you holding that mirror for?"

"Well, I thought it would be funny if you thought we switched bodies, like some sort of Freaky Friday scenario."

"That's really fucking stupid."

THE END 


End file.
